Oh Christmas Tree Oh Christmas Tree

So now that almost every one I know in the Blogging world has posted Christmas tree stories (OK that's a lie... like 3 people) I would like to post mine. It all started with the above photo. I spent Thanksgiving in Portland. It was four wonderful relaxing days. On the last day... we went on what turned into a long trip...due to many wrong turns.... to the tree farm. We cut down the tree (only after I hugged it) and I was left with the Christmas spirit. Tith and I went to stores to look for ornaments for his tree. I found a little kitchen mixer ornament. I only needed a tree to hang it on. I immediately made arrangements to go the next day and get my tree.

So this year as I have in the past I went to Alpine U cut for my tree. I like them.... good prices...lots of trees... and so on and so forth.



So anyone who knows me knows that A... I like things a certain way. B... I have high expectations. and C.... I have the attention span of a peanut... It is because of all three of these things, that I found my Ford focus, myself and my friend Maggie off roading in really long weeds that were scraping the bottom of my car. Allow me to explain. I like trees that are big and round and go to the ceiling. I expect to find this tree for a good price and with little or no problem. I did zone out during the guy who worked at Alpine's lesson on which tree is which... and did find myself driving in circles singing "oh Christmas tree" and rolling down my window to ask the trees if they were Douglas firs (these were the ones in my price range.) Oh and something else few may know: D.... I can't read a map. Give me step by step directions and landmarks and I am your girl.... draw me a map and I may never see you again. Anyway I digress... continuing on.



So after much searching... and I mean quite a bit... Maggie was starting to think I was crazy. We finally met Douglas.... my perfectly symmetrical... to the ceiling... in my price range tree. Note how mean I look with the saw... at least that is what I was going for.... America's next top model.... here I come.



Oh I forgot things you should know about me # E..... I am a complete wuss. Last time I went to Alpine there was a cute guy that worked there and he cut my tree down for me.... This time not so much.... but my adorable friend and coworker Maggie was there to the rescue. Now don't get me wrong. I cut part of the tree at least a good inch.... but to hear Maggie tell it, I sat in a lawn chair drinking a martini and pretended I was on vacation, stopping only to get up and pose for pictures to make me look like I cut the tree. Complete and utter nonsense I say.... I worked hard. And I would put those pictures of me on here... but I am not quite as adorable and flattering under the pressures of working hard.... moving on.



So here is the final cut of poor Douglas... Maggie did make it go timber. I was just cutting it slightly more symmetrical.

So once poor old Douglas got cut down. We put him in my Christmas tree bag....and took him back to the main office of Alpine. This was actually a fairly hard task. The bag became a balloon and we were still sort of off roading.... but we made it.

So then the man... you know I really wish I had learned his name... I need to work on that... maybe that will be my December resolution... learn...and remember more people's names. Anyway the man... he sort of seemed like a Hank...yeah Hank. Anyway Hank took Douglas and put him on this machine that shook out all his extra needles.
Then Hank put Douglas through another machine and bundled him all up.


And there you have it. The big adventure of the Christmas tree named Douglas... and the man aptly named Hank who took my money for him. This is Douglas all wrapped up and ready to go. And me and my buff face...which looks a lot like my mean face.... no wonder I am so misunderstood. Don't be fooled by the neatly wrapped Christmas tree. By the time I got home it was almost falling off and the bag was dragging on the ground. There of course are many pictures untaken of this memorable event.....like the one of me and Maggie walking into my house with the tree belting out oh Christmas tree at the top of our lungs and my bah humbug roommate almost immediately leaving the house in record time. Or the picture of the ornaments people I know have made. My roommate would like me to plug her weird plaid fabricky feathery one that she prominently displayed at the top front of the tree by removing one of my special ones. She is very amused by herself and by the velocity of which it was removed and relocated and all sanity was once again restored in the universe.... sigh... it is all OK.


So there he is in his glory... he is kind of a feminine tree....but I love Douglas unconditionally. All in all a fun morning... did I mention this process started at 9:30 am. Anyway thanks for reading. I promise I wont wait too much longer to post a deep soul searching life changing blog... But a lot was accomplished here. I satisfied the curiosity of friends. Those close to me that are far away finally got a quick glimpse of both me, my apartment, my car, and my tree. I have that whole December's resolution thing.... you know learning and remembering names. And Hey Hank got a name. Wow. Well done me. Have a great day. and Merry Christmas from the Crystal and Douglas the tree family to yours.