I Love Jesus

I love Jesus.
I love Jesus.
A simple and truthful
statement that does not even start to begin the way I feel. A statement that, although accurate and sweet, has made me feel a little embarrassed , unintelligent, ashamed, and sad over the last week. You see I was baptized over the last weekend and "I love Jesus" is all I managed to proclaim.

I think back to past baptisms and think of the meaningful, honest, eloquent, sometimes even tear jerking proclaimations of others in the same position. I think over my bumpy, adventurous, sometimes frusterating, and sometimes making me want to skip through fields of daisies (even if it would cause a massive allergy attack) relationship with Jesus. And I think that not only can I write a heck of a run on sentance, but that I need more than an "I love Jesus" to sum up my faith and my reasons for baptism.

But in my nerves I couldn't be brave. There were so many people watching. I was standing in cold water (though not as artic as I might have thought) , and all I could think is... this is all wrong. I have no family here. I don't fit in. I am a fraud. All of which have been a constant in my head for a long long time. Sometimes I can contain these feelings. Saying ... my church is my family... or that these thought are just satan. But often I cannot. Because 9 times out of 10 I truly don't fit in to any given situation. I am not sure if everyone feels this way or I am just crazy but still these are honest feelings. But I did it. I got baptized and I truly am thankful that Jesus is my savior and that over and over again I am protected and forgiven. I accept that in my relationship with the Lord that it is my given responsibility to help forward the gospel in thoughts, words, and actions. I understand that I am going to fail at this over and over and because of God's grace I am forgiven just as often. I understand that without Christ I am nothing and with Christ I can do all things. ... So I guess that is really all I needed to say at the baptism. But I got clouded. I ask all of your forgiveness and pray for the Lord's forgiveness for my prideful cowardess. I am truly grateful that there are people who care enough that I get baptized to come and watch. I will leave it at that. God bless.